Today I Feel Like a Troll

No really I do.

Not in the sense that I want to spread discord over the internet – not that sort of troll.

Today I feel like I should be living under a bridge, randomly jumping out and scaring unsuspecting people as they innocently pass by.

I know everyone feels like this from time to time but, being the caring sharing person I am, I thought I’d blog about it.  That’s just how I’m rolling today.

You may have gathered that I cycle a bit, when the mood takes me.  Sometimes I cycle at the weekend, sometimes I cycle to and from work.  Lately the weather here in the good old UK has been less inclement than usual so I’ve cycled to work 2 or 3 days a week.  The sun has shone so I’ve worn a baseball cap under my cycle helmet to stop the pesky sun blinding me.  It works pretty well, except that blocking out the sun from my upper face means that my cheeks have caught the sun and my forehead hasn’t.  As for the time of day which I cycle, this also means that the sun only catches the front part of my face (and pretty much full on too) so I’ve got ruddy cheeks and am totally white on the forehead and down the sides of my face.

It looks a bit silly to be quite honest.

Then there’s the clothing I wear.  Usually a polo shirt.  Trust me when I say that the world is not ready to see this particular body clad in lycra.  Besides which, others clad in lycra are too much like easy targets so I’m not going to put myself in that bracket whatever happens.

All this means my upper arms are still white.  Oh yeah, and my hands are too because I wear gloves when I cycle.  So I’m quite ruddy on the forearm.  But not the wrists.  Or the hands.

That also looks silly.

Then there’s the neck.  The polo shirt is obviously open at the front so I have a red/tanned “V” shape below the front of my lilly white neck (where the sun doesn’t get to).

Oh yeah, forgot to mention the red/tanned stripe around my neck at the back where the sun also gets it.

Thankfully I don’t inflict my legs on the world and wear shorts when I cycle – there are some things which seriously need to be kept private.  And my legs are two of them.

So.  My annual suntan is a red V shaped blotch around my neck and a ruddy complexion from just under my eyes to my jawline, neatly outlined in white.  Also included in this display is the area of my arms from just above my wrist to just above my elbow (farmers tan stylie).  And I forgot to mention that this forearm-tannage is only on the part of the arm that faces upwards when you’re holding onto the handlebars – the underside of the arm is still pretty much (yes, you’ve guessed it) white.

And as if all of this isn’t bad enough, the other little kicker that life has in store for me is …. wait for it … FRECKLES!

And no, I’m not a redhead.  I just happen to have been cursed/blessed (delete as appropriate) with freckles.  I always hoped they’d bugger off and fade with age (mainly because that’s what everyone kept tell me).  Sadly, that never came to fruition and the bloody things insist on popping out whenever the yellow ball appears in the sky and the UV levels start to climb.

I guess Factor Blanket sun screen would be a good idea if I didn’t sweat it all off in short order when cycling.  So I’m pretty much stuffed and stuck with it.

So – can someone point me in the direction of the nearest bridge?

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